Become A Boring Filmmaker In 10 Easy Steps

From How terribly and drippingly cool to work in the creative industries. You get to wear the coolest clothes, sport the strangest hair dye and give yourself the most glamorous sounding job description imaginable – and get away without proving any real talent or ability.

Another defining aspect of the creative industries is there is no code of conduct which means anyone can say pretty much anything about themselves without having any proof to back themselves up.

This creates a situation where filmmakers in particular have become boring.

Here, tongue firmly in cheek, are 10 ways to become a boring filmmaker:

1. Use complicated film industry slang words

Why speak clearly and sensibly when you can, in fact, roll the simplest concept into a series of complicated scenarios. Brush up on film industry definitions – both technical and financial. Sprinkle these terms liberally through each sentence that you speak or write. The more obscure the term the better.

2. Sound really important

When asked any question, respond by lowering your voice, clearing your throat slowly and meticulously – and then begin to speak. Speak in phrases that sound meaningful (but aren’t). Stab the air repeatedly for emphasis.

If you are writing, remind the reader repeatedly how fortunate they are to be able to access the high pinnacles of your ability.

Whatever you do, don’t poke fun at yourself. After all, no-one dares to approach the altar of your ego without bowing down. And that’s not ever going to be funny.

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